Born Again

In the summer of 1981, when Anna was 10, we went on holiday to Roscarbery in West Cork, enjoying long, glorious days of relaxation on the beach. It was a time when the sea and the sand held magic for Anna.

One day we went across to the longer more popular beach in Owenahincha, two miles away. We soon noticed a group of young men and women setting up a base further along. The men were dressed in white trousers and red shirts while the women wore red skirts and white blouses. Most of the children on the beach then made their way to the spot where a base had been established. We joined them and soon all were singing action choruses like 'So high you can'’t get over it, so low you can’'t get under it. Oh, wonderful love!'

Then the kids listened to stories about Jesus and played games and took part in competitions. Anna'’s face was lit up in rapture. The leader on that occasion was Roger, a young lawyer from the Director of Public Prosecutions office in Belfast. These young committed evangelical Christians were members of the United Beach Missions (UBM) an organisation set up in 1950 to conduct missions on the main holiday beaches throughout Britain, Ireland and the Continent during the summer holiday season. Morning sessions were for the younger children, afternoons for teenagers and evenings for families. Talks and slides about Jesus followed barbecues and beach games and competitions like tug-of-war contests. UBM is closely associated with Young Life, which dates back to 1911 and has its headquarters in Leeds. One of the leading older evangelists at that time was Professor Verna Wright, a rheumatism specialist in Leeds and a charismatic magnetic character. Teams of young evangelists would take part in city speak-outs throughout the British Isles and Anna joined some of these during her teen years.

She was deeply affected by her first encounter with these zealous young people and from that moment considered herself born again. Her commitment would last till she was in her early twenties. Under Roger's guidance she took a correspondence course in the study of the Bible and longed for the day that she could take part as a beach missionary. This happened when she was 16. During the years that followed she attended missions in Roscarbery, Youghal, Tramore, Llandudno and Scarborough. At home she became involved in local evangelical groups and inspired many of her classmates to join her. She has never done things in half measures. Her whole heart and soul were poured into this new experience.

I felt apprehensive at first as such fervour and single-mindedness can spell fanaticism and a closed mind with the heart ruling the head. I was glad she had a cause to believe in and, remembering the fervour of my own youth, I was flattered to think she was like I was at her age. However, I could foresee the moment, sooner or later, when disillusionment would strike and I was fearful of what might replace her sense of purpose and dedication to an ideal. I was determined to stay close to her and try to guide her into safer waters. I liked the young men and women involved with UBM and admired their simple, unquestioning faith and dedication. I recognised that I once possessed this assurance but in my late teens I began to question long-held beliefs and to seek logical explanations. As a result, I became critical and began to worry about the divisions among Christians. I also discerned a gap between what Christ taught and what the various denominations were making of his teaching. Above all, I became aware of the confirmation of male domination within the various churches.

One of the tenets regarding St Paul's admonition for women to cover their heads irked me greatly. I remember travelling to Dublin by train with my cousin Maureen, who had been visiting my parents in Abbeyleix. Maureen, like me, was bare-headed, her beautiful blond, curly locks free from any sort of head-covering. However, she was carrying a really chic royal-blue pill-box hat ready to don before the train arrived at Kingsbridge station in Dublin where our Uncle Dick was waiting to meet us. Maureen reminded me of his insistence that women cover their heads! He was a leading theologian in the Church of Ireland and life for him revolved around the Bible and the teachings of St Paul. Fortunately, I had a Kangol beret in my suit-case so I reluctantly covered my straggly straight mousey hair with that. There came the day later on when I led a small group of friends in a mild protest by appearing hatless in a fashionable Dublin church, walking up the central aisle to a front seat to ensure that we would be noticed. What did we achieve by this action? Hats eventually became redundant! My action was, I think, a symptom of my inner rebellion against what I saw as another instance of curbs on the freedom of women and at that time the protest was a major act of defiance. Why, I asked myself, should men decree what women were or were not to wear?

However, no way would I destroy Anna's illusions while her fervour lasted. As ever, she drew me into her life. Every autumn a conference was held in Cliff College in Calver in Derbyshire, for that summer's workers. Anna asked if I might accompany her on her first reunion and, when invited by the organisers, I agreed to go. Thus, I found myself sleeping on a mat in my sleeping bag in the cold Methodist Church Hall in Calver and waking up in the morning to see all these young people kneeling in silence on their mats as they read their daily portion of scripture. I recalled my own daily readings in my young days as a member of the Scripture Union. So many of us were packed into the hall that I had to tread warily as I made my way to the toilet in the middle of the night. Although it was unusual for a parent to be there, everyone accepted Anna's mum as part of the scene and Anna seemed really keen to have me close to her.

On another occasion she took me to visit Roger in Belfast. He later told her that he had been a bit apprehensive wondering how he was going to entertain a teenager and her ‘older Mum! He needn't have worried as we had a super time and he took a day off work to drive us around to places of interest and beauty in the area where the mountains of Mourne sweep down to the sea. Gladys, Roger's wife, made us very welcome, too. She is a wonderful homemaker and at that time she had a full time job as a therapist. Roger later stayed for one night with Mike and me when he was over in England to take part in research in Addenbrookes in Cambridge. He suffers from Crohns disease and was interested in trying out a special diet, which was being tested in Cambridge. I was touched that he should bother with us but Anna has always wanted us to share the friends she knew we would approve of. It was important to her, not only that we should accept them but that they would get to know her parents. Over the years Roger has kept in touch, mainly at Christmas, and I count him as one of the people in my life who have been impressive influences.

Anna was really concerned that I should proclaim myself as born again, telling me that she was afraid that I would die and be separated from her for ever if I wasn't saved in time. I gently pointed out that one didn't need to shout aloud that one was a Christian because everyone should recognise it from the way we live our lives. I explained what my baptism and confirmation had meant to me, thus embarking on the age-old argument of justification and good works!

Many of these young men and women visited us in Cannock and one comic episode comes to mind. Barry was one of the most fervent, single-minded people I've ever met. One day he and Anna accompanied me on a shopping trip to Sainsburys and, as we stood in a queue at the till, he was arguing his case and I was quietly trying to apply the brakes to their flights of zeal. I wasn't making much impression on them and suddenly a lady in front of us turned around and said to me, 'They are quite right and you are wrong'. You should have seen the look of triumph on their faces! That lady confirmed their beliefs beyond doubt.

Another visitor was Nicky from Aylesbury, who later married Dave, a member of the UBM from Belfast, a young man who suffered the trauma of the murder of his father, an RUC officer, by the IRA in a particularly brutal murder one Christmas Eve. Anna was asked to be their bridesmaid but she was abroad at the time of their wedding. She and Nicky kept in touch for several years. Some years later when Anna was abroad, Mike and I went to Tramore, the seaside holiday resort in Co Waterford where my parents took us several times when I was little. We noticed a group of Beach Missioners and we went along to see if we recognised any of them. The leader I recognised as Dave from a photograph Anna had once shown me so I walked up to him and quietly asked, 'Are you Dave?' For a brief moment he looked at me, completely taken by surprise and there seemed to be a passing flash of panic crossing his face. I quickly told him I was Anna's Mum and I felt really bad about my approach without warning which must have been a terrifying moment for him.

So time passed and Anna grew out of her red skirts and white blouses and I replaced them with new outfits. The day would come when she would find a new doctrine to adhere to but not yet awhile. Firstly, her spiritual fervour would share centre stage with other exciting experiences and then all would change and, as a mother, I would once again have to readjust my own ideas about life, suppressing my disappointment and readjusting my dreams. At the time Anna was among friends who showed they cared about her and she derived much comfort from being so assured of God'’s love for her. I felt so close to her and was reassured that should she lose me there were people who would look after her and comfort and love her.