Anna found herself back in Britain and able to view the programme with a crowd of her friends in London. At home I switched on my television and tuned in to BBC2. I then knelt on the carpet close to the screen, straining my eyes, determined not to miss the expected fleeting glances of Anna. At the end of the programme I rose slowly to my feet, eyes and mouth open wide, frozen into a state of unbelief.
Anna had been one of 30 members of the public chosen from 800 applicants to take part in the Reality show to see if they could pass the selection test for Britains elite military force, the SAS. Twice during 2001 the filming had been postponed due to the foot and mouth outbreak and then, in September, the site was switched from the Brecon Beacons to the Scottish Highlands. Unfortunately, the dates clashed with the European Championship Adventure Race in Switzerland in which Anna had been so looking forward to racing. After much procrastination and seeking of guidance, she opted for the SAS programme. One of those advising her was Nick Crane, the hero of her teenage years. Nick pointed out that there would be other opportunities to race but taking the SAS course, which had long been an ambition of hers, was a one off opportunity. Sarah Odell, who had already taken part in the TV show, Survivor, replaced Anna on team 9feet.com for Switzerland.
Two-thirds of the way through filming, Anna's group were dismissed so Anna was able to fly out to Switzerland to be with her adventure race team and to visit two casualties in hospital there. Ski had been taken by helicopter to hospital for an emergency operation after one day's racing, so the team were disqualified. A friend of Annas in another team had slipped on the rocks in a canyon and had been under water for 15 minutes and, as a result, was in hospital in a coma. These are the sorts of dangers that endurance racers face all along the way.
The showing of the SAS programme was then postponed because of the war in Afghanistan. Finally, the broadcast took place over three Sundays in March 2002. No woman had ever been considered by the SAS as a recruit, yet here was Anna, featuring prominently and passing tough physical endurance tests with flying colours. The days that followed were euphoric for me. Phone calls, e-mails, press interviews, being stopped on the street by so many, meant that, as Anna's Mum, I was sharing the full glory of my daughter's success.
A week later the programme showed Anna surviving a traumatic interrogation lasting 12 hours but, in spite of her brilliant performance, she was dismissed because of an earlier stupid error by her group during the Escape and Evasion exercise. I had known about this 4 months before the broadcast, yet I sat there in front of the television and wept because I knew that all the tests still to come would have been so easy for Anna. However, she had come away from the filming, feeling confident and knowing that she was 'tough enough for the SAS', and that she could have survived. In fact, she was told by one of the SAS men and by Mike Stroud, the medical consultant to the programme, and by the BBC team that she was capable of passing the tests. Paradoxically, it was because of being caught using her initiative that she had to go. In my heart of hearts I was so proud of all she had achieved as I remembered what I had always advised her, that for the two of us the only failure would be not to have tried. At the age of 73 I could finally say, All my dreams have now been realised. Anna has proved herself in the toughest of situations. From now on the worlds her oyster.
In the silence of the night, however, I sometimes recall the interrogation scene and I shudder. I hear afresh the clank of the huge metal bar being dropped on the ground close to her feet and I see again her involuntary jump in fright. I remember how any sudden loud noise scared her when she was little and I wonder if this is how I want my daughter to be. I also recall how scared of the dark she always was and I wonder what it was like for her being hooded and not knowing what was going to happen next or who was being so nasty to her. I then think about the many injuries sustained by her over the years, the damaged Achilles tendon and reconstructed knee, the broken bones and early signs of arthritis. I remember the tragic deaths and paralysing injuries of many of her young friends and, most terrifying of all, Annas own frequent, close encounters with Death and, filled with horror and uncertainty, I ask myself what many an adventurer must have asked, Is this the price one pays for fame? Is this what I wanted for my beautiful daughter?
I also frequently recall all the wonderful young men who, over the years, have fallen hopelessly in love with Anna, and I weep for them as I dream of what might have been. So many of them have shared their hopes and longings with me and have helped me to get rid of my deep-seated antagonism to the male species. I remember a question Anna once put to me. What is wrong with just wanting to sit at a till in a supermarket? Looking at Anna, as she now is, I know this could never have been an option for her but I keep asking myself if I shouldnt have provided a quieter, less action-packed environment for her.
However, as she trained for the world's toughest Adventure race, the Raid Gauloises, due to take place in Vietnam in May, I forgot my doubts and felt renewed pride that she was racing with one of the world's top teams in what is the toughest endurance race. I have watched my beautiful daughter over the years graduating from local celebrity status to national fame and now, finally, international recognition.
I sensed a budding romance blossoming between Anna and the Finnish captain of the team. I was really happy with my identity finally established as 'Annas Mum', accepting, at last, the fact that my own earlier dreams were unattainable. I know that my world is inextricably bound up with Annas life and I am happy at last to lose the huge chip on my shoulder about my own lack of fulfilment. I am glad that I helped Anna advance at all stages towards fulfilment of the life she dreamed of. How she has lived out her dreams is very different to the dreams I had for myself but I was always determined to open up the world for my daughter and let her choose her own path in life. Let us, however, hear what Anna has to say on the subject.
'The idea of fame', she says, never once entered my head. All my life I have struggled with asthma and everything I have done has been my own personal challenge. I remember enjoying Robert Service's poems when I was in my teens. The first poem ever to mean much to me was,
They have cradled you in custom. They have primed you with their preaching.
They have soaked you in convention through and through.
They have put you in a showcase. You're a credit to their teaching,
But don't you hear the WILD? It is calling you.
Let us probe the silent places. Let us seek what luck betides us.
Let us journey to a land I know.
There's a whisper on the night wind; there's a star agleam to guide us.
And the wild is calling, calling. Let us go.